At nineteen, I sit here staring at the computer screen. My mind wanders, back over the past few years, and all the changes that have taken place. I am reminded of all the ways I’ve changed. I’d like to share my testimony about how I’ve gotten to where I am today. And why I’m going on this adventure with the World Race to share the love of Christ.
My childhood dream had always been to play college volleyball. In my mind, it was set in stone, and there was no question about what I intended to accomplish. I had no idea what I was going to major in, but I knew I would play volleyball no matter what. In my junior year of high school, with the support of my parents, I tried out for a highly competitive volleyball club. This club was a pathway to help me achieve my dream. My game was improving, and I felt confident this would be just what I needed to compete at a college level. I loved the game and how I felt out on the court. That was until my car accident. Like placing the last piece on a puzzle and then out of nowhere the table falls and the pieces fly, and it’s all lost. That’s genuinely how I felt. Completely lost. It’s the day everything changed. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, especially at the age of sixteen. To spin out of control on the icy interstate through both lanes and in front of two semis. I was physically unscathed, not a scratch on my body, or so I thought. My dad, who was driving in front of me before it happened, was there to comfort me and make me feel safe. This situation wasn’t the end. Instead, it was a redirection to my true purpose. A better purpose. Not my plans, but God’s. However, it took me some time to understand that.
After the accident, I was getting sick all the time and missing a great deal of school. I was ill for a week before I went into the emergency room. Initially, I was diagnosed with vertigo or an inner ear infection. I followed up shortly after with my family doctor and started on medication. We were hoping it would help with my clinical signs. Unfortunately, after a month of not seeing change, I was devastated. I was unable to go to school. I was unable to play the game I loved. And trying to get a diagnosis of what was wrong with me seemed impossible. For what felt like forever, it seemed unimaginable, and that I was making it up in my head. How could I not think that? I went in for a head CT. Most people hope the scan doesn’t show anything, but I was hoping it would. This way, I could finally have an explanation for my symptoms. However, the scans came up completely normal. Once again, I was left with no explanation for why I felt the way I did. I was then referred to a neuro chiropractor who believed the issue was related to my brain or spine. We sent him the scans, and he diagnosed me with a concussion in the center of my brain. The injury had occurred in an area of my brain that was the equivalent of a form of shaken baby syndrome, but in an adult. When I found out it was similar to a concussion, I felt relieved. I figured it was just a concussion, something manageable. I thought people usually recovered from those quickly and got back to their sports in no time.
The chiropractor told me I would be better in a couple of months, and I believed that too. I was dead wrong. Those next few months, I discovered, were some of the hardest of my life. I had no idea what lay ahead. Consumed by isolation, depression, and anxiety, I found myself struggling with my faith. I was stressed about missing school and not passing junior year. Anyone who knows me well knows I hold myself to an almost impossibly high standard of always giving my best. So not seeing A’s was highly frustrating. I was also stressed about volleyball, college recruiting, and my rehabilitation to get back into the swing of things. Since I’m a self-described “extroverted introvert”, being stuck alone in a room made me spiral into deep loneliness. Any stimulation made me sick, so I stayed off all electronics. Additionally, I had transferred into the high school that year, so my friends lived an hour away. The distance made it exceedingly hard to connect with anyone. I would ride to school with my dad and stay for at most an hour before my grandma picked me up. Then, exhausted, I’d crash and sleep in her guest bedroom until my dad came to get me for appointments or to take me home. That became my routine. I felt like a burden to those who helped me because I’m usually the one taking care of others, not the other way around. I felt defeated and far from God.
I grew up in the church and was raised by wonderful Christian parents. I believed, but it felt more like going through the motions. I wasn’t truly on fire for Him. As I dealt with all these changes and new limitations, it challenged my faith, leading me to question if He was real. I was so deep in isolation that I couldn’t see the end or a purpose; I didn’t understand. I wasn’t angry, but instead, I felt cold, sad, and alone. But God had a plan and a purpose for me, meeting me in that dark place where I felt abandoned. He didn’t instantly make me better. Instead, He sat with me, held me, and told me to trust Him. He was in control, as He always is. I continued to push through my challenging recovery. I still wasn’t entirely out of my hole. And on some of the worst days, I started to turn to Him and cry. Asking Him to comfort me like no one and nothing in the world could. As the weather started to get nicer, and I was able to be a bit more active, I could go on walks. There was one walk, specifically, where I was so close to being 100% again, and I was listening to worship music, enjoying the fresh air and nature, and marveling at His creation. All of a sudden, I felt an overwhelming need to pray. Not to ask for anything, but out of sheer gratitude for the blessings I had received from Him. To thank Him for healing me. For saving me. His presence surrounded me so strongly in that moment that everything else went silent. I just cried to my Savior. For the first time in a long time, they weren’t tears of sadness but of thankfulness and hope and finally peace. Peace I hadn’t had in a long time. That’s when my fire for Him was truly ignited, I was made new again, and my favorite name of the Lord became YHWH. The sound I make with every breath is His very name. This epiphany helped me with my anxiety and depression because every time I would breathe, I thought of Him.
As I entered my senior year, I was able to return to playing volleyball. Unfortunately, due to the amount of time I had been in recovery, I was very behind and was nowhere near as good as I was. Even though it was hard, I played for fun and enjoyed every moment. As for a major and where I was going for college, I had no idea. I didn’t commit to a school until late into the second semester of my senior year. Even then, I was still unsure about my decision. However, my high school ran mission trips around the US. Luckily for me, during my senior year, they added a new one to Vietnam. Initially, I thought there was no way I was going. On the way to a volleyball tournament, I brought it up to my parents. They asked if I had applied, and I said no because I thought we couldn’t afford it, especially since they were gracious enough to send me to St. Croix Lutheran Academy, a private Lutheran high school. With their support and encouragement, I applied and was chosen to go on the trip. That was another turning point and opportunity that completely changed my perspective.
Although the trip was incredible, one conversation I had with a lady in Taipei stuck with me. It started innocently enough when we had first arrived from our flight from California to Taipei. Amid the bustle of the Taipei airport, she stood out and held herself so confidently. As we both headed to the bathroom, I found the courage and spoke up and said, “Red looks so good on you.” I said, hoping to show a little kindness. Little did I know this simple compliment would lead to a conversation that would change my perspective forever. She smiled so sweetly, like she rarely received compliments. “Thank you,” she replied warmly. “I wear red because in Vietnam red brings good luck as it scares off the evil spirits and also brings happiness and success.” And that is where our conversation began. She told me the moving story of her life. All the noise of the surrounding commotion didn’t matter because in that moment, the world faded away, and that was the only conversation that mattered. She and her personal story were all that mattered. Her experiences, with all her struggles, were nothing short of inspiring. Unbeknownst to me at the time, she quickly became a role model for me. She had fallen in love with a man from the U.S., and they moved to California. She was returning to Vietnam to visit her family, as she had not been back since moving to California with the love of her life. None of her family had traveled or lived out of Vietnam; she was forging her path and creating her own unique story. She did not follow what others were traditionally doing, and that left such an impression on me.
As the world faded into the background, we talked for such a long time, but it did not matter. I told her about the reason why I was traveling, and she shared with me the ins and outs of travel, teaching me firsthand about her culture and Vietnam. I listened very intently to all she had to say. Once we parted ways, part of me was saddened to see her go, but I knew that stranger in the scarlet coat had become my friend and my inspiration. Our whole purpose was to talk to strangers, hear their story, and share the love of Christ with them if it came up. That is not why I went up to speak to her. I just wanted to compliment her bright red coat. But that seemingly simple interaction and conversation left an impact on me that I would have never expected.
This memory has stuck with me ever since and inspired me to do the unexpected. Not just following the actions and paths of everyone else, but strike out and create my unique path. To discover what God’s plans were for me, and to allow myself to be used to glorify Him. I had a newfound source of confidence for the rest of the mission trip. During that trip, I had planned to attend college afterward, but I was lost in life and unsure of what I wanted to do. I tend to be a chameleon, blending in because I have an aversion to standing out. But I’ve always had an adventurous side, and I take paths that don’t follow others. After hearing her testimony, I fully embraced that part of me and acknowledged it for the first time. I also fell in love with mission work, and I desperately wanted to pursue it, but there wasn’t a clear path to make it happen. That feeling felt unthinkable, but here I was, the girl who always wanted to blend in, feeling confident being me and creating my path.
After our trip was over, I stepped off the plane, and the wind swept across my face. I was home again, but realized that this was only the beginning of my story, and not the end. Even though I didn’t have it all figured out, I believed that I could pave my own path, and I didn’t need a predefined map, just like the lady in the scarlet coat. We shared an intimate and unique relationship, and although we didn’t know each other’s names, it didn’t matter because what did matter was that we knew each other’s stories. That to me is such a beautiful thing, especially since the lady in the scarlet coat will never truly understand how much she impacted me that day. Her one moment, her one drop in my life, left a ripple effect I will experience for the rest of my life. God used this stranger to open my eyes to the possibilities that lie ahead of me. That simple interaction with a stranger lifted the blinders I had on, enlightened me, and allowed me to see the world differently.
Following the trip to Vietnam, I felt inspired and incredibly moved by God. I began wrestling with and questioning God about my future because I just didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing. I went through a lot deciding on what to do for college. In the last few weeks before school started, I applied to more and was accepted. Ultimately, I changed my mind again. It was chaos. While I was going through the craziness of it all, mission work was still in the back of my mind. I did research and came across many organizations. One stuck out, and it was the World Race. Unfortunately, it was too late to apply to go that year, so life moved on, and I attended Chippewa Valley Technical College, focusing on taking general classes and forgetting about the World Race. One night on my way home from classes, I just broke down. I felt so defeated because all I wanted to do was to use my life to glorify the Lord. I was praying and was listening to some of my worship music as I sat at His feet. He brought me back to what I came across this summer, the World Race. So I applied, had my interview, and I was accepted! When God opens a door, He doesn’t always do it gently. Sometimes, He just shoves you through it because that’s how fast the World Race happened. In a blink, I was committed. I’m genuinely so on fire for the Lord and have a confidence that people have commented on, and it’s because of Him. This is my testimony. My story to His glory!
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